Out of sorts

That's how I've been feeling lately. And that's why I haven't written. Well, that and the fact that I have barely had a moment to myself. Until tonight. I'm still feeling uninspired, though.

After spending much time outdoors over the past few weeks, I'm covered from head to toe with mosquito bites....and I don't leave those buggers alone. I scratch until they bleed and then I pick the scabs. I know...I'm gross... But, I'm crawling out of my skin.

I tend to lead certain parts of my life the way I treat mosquito bites. For many years I have been my own worst enemy...I torture myself on many levels and always turn any anger I feel inward. I'm cognizant of it, yet I can't seem to break the patterns. And surprise surprise...I get angry at myself for being stuck...and around we go.

I'm working on it with the shrink...digging deeply...but it hasn't been easy. I haven't had any desire to fuck or even write about fucking. I've been finding my sanity through other life projects. I've been singing -- which is great. I started a new band and this project is going to kick ass. I'm an active volunteer in a local non-profit and have been dedicating a lot of time and effort there.

I cancelled a date with "Sir" last night. I just wasn't feeling it.

I'm thinking it would be a good idea to start using the blog for journaling these feelings.

Don't despair dear readers, I have been taking good care of myself, though, and bringing myself to some very very intense orgasms. That's fine for me now... I hope to recover that drive to share even those experiences again.

I had orientation for school today. Man, did I feel old. Most of the group were freshmen, although there are about 130 people like me (ie 2nd bachelor degree) enrolled. It's getting close and I'm starting to freak out a bit, but it's going to be great...I know it.

Bear with me through this time.

I feel as though the fog is lifting...

Don't touch that dial.

- Hot Lips xoxo